I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
