she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
