I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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