i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
