There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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