booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
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