So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
