her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
