Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
