How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
