I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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