Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
