I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
