so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
