WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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