Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Couch. On fire.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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