why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
