Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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