How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
