Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
