It's Friday. Sex?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
