So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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