trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
