There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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