Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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