no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
