i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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