were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
