i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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