My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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