So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
