I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
