So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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