were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My balls are so social today.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I have aggressive nipples.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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