just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
