It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
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The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
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Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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