You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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