Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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