And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
