I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize