A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
