There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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