i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
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He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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