When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
