Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
