I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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