I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
