apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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