I wish I could teleport
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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