Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
