Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize