Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
