i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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