I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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