so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I touched a dick in church today
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
