I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
