i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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