May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
