So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
