i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
