no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
