well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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