Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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