K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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