So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
