At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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