But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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