Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
