I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
