When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
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I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
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We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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