he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I am mentally ready for anal.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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