So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
