She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
