12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so let's talk penis.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
