I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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