Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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