You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
