I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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