Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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